LoveLife UPDATE: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a very strong word where it requires true healing of the heart that once bled with so much blood from the wound opened through a stab of a knife; thus, when it’s completely healed with time, it is again ready to accept and embrace the one who have caused the heartache with no doubts and full reconcilation upon every person affected.

As deep and complex as it may sound, I still believe the one thing once a teacher of mine told me back in high school “Time Heals All Wounds.” 

Being with Dane feels like forever. It’s like I’ve known him for years. As happy as I may sound, just like a normal couple, we too have been through a lot of trials that have proved to ourselves that the Love we share is strong and even getting stronger as the days pass.

Considering the fact that Dane is straight, he have been weakened by some circumstances that have drawn him to endure his weaknesses. I was threatened and never came blunt to what i have discovered. I did what I could to save us from unwanted cost because of his actions. We came passed through everything that it brought us; all the hurt that caused me to endure with everything I have for him. I have given up so much for him that the thought of having so conquered my thoughts, my heart and my will to shed him the tears I have shed, that would make him realize how everything has brought me to the bridges of hell. I was wrong to deliver him the bridges. He has proven himself a million times that he is worth the forgiveness he seeks from me. I have forgiven him and I want him to know that my heart has healed though it is not yet complete, I want to tell him that Time has been on my side all along and eventually will give me the peace of mind I am praying for.

Aside from the love he has offered me, time and effort is what he showed me. And under his own efforts, I gave him less consideration. And I want to tell him I’m sorry. I want him to know that I can see that he is doing everything in his power to gain my trust that I have sellfishly denied him for. If only he could see how it hurts me evrytime he gets hurt. The last thing I want for him is getting hurt. It kills me seeing him hurt, and it burns my soul in hell knowing that I’m the one hurting him. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I want to ask for his forgiveness and hopefully he will give me the forgiveness I seek. I have been too hard on him when in fact he does everything I tell him. What more can I ask for?

Time is the answer for everything. We both need time to heal from what we have been through lately. And we both have decided to heal with eachother, not away from eachother. We are slowly picking up the pieces and putting back each piece at its own proper place. I love him to death that I could never take my eyes off him not a second. And I know he loves me the way I love him and even more. I am trying my best not to look back and focus myself to the future we both have envisioned for us.

We are starting over. It came to me asking myself where to start and I have found my answer from a priest who once said “Look around you, and see the people who loves you, start from there …” I see him, and I know he loves me. Now I know where to start and what to do from here on, and I leave everything else up to God.

XOXO     

I want to Be Licensed and I want to have my Own Pad!

Things have been really rough for me lately. My Licensure exam for Nursing is coming up. It will be next week November 29 and 30. It isn’t my first time to take the exam but I want to pass this time. Though being a Nurse isn’t really my calling, I want to be licensed for it at the very least. I have been working online and studying at the same time. I have set my priorities and set aside all things that could get in the way with what I want. Believe me it’s not easy. But I am taking things one day at a time.

My stay with my parents have been long overdue. I believe it’s time for me to take my life to the next level; and that is living on my own. And that’s the reason why I’m working so hard as an Article Rewriter. I want to live on my own and see if I can do it. How would I know if I won’t try, right? I’m thinking of getting my own pad soon enough. With the salary I’m having from my work, I know it would be enough for me to go out and explore the world without anyone telling me what to do. I’m truly serious about saving up for it so it could become a reality.

God help me! I’m praying for everything. I’m literally getting down on my knees before Him for this. I’m getting tired being pushed by some people whom I value the most telling me I’m not good enough. They have always been right and I have always taken the challenges they have been throwing unto me in ways I could handle. But sometimes it brought me breaking down. The hurt I have been enduring all this time has overflowed in my veins that sometimes it wanted to leak out from my body. I know they’re right, but it just hurts me everytime. And the only way out is to live on my own.

The Pad I want is just around the corner considering the work I have right now. Time, patience and strength is all I need. The License? I’m resolving and giving up all I have to the Lord and I leave the results up to Him.

XOXO